Living the Dream

The only girl out of four children, it was my childhood dream to have four children of my own--two boys and two girls. Obviously I have no control over the gender of my children, and little did I realize that by today's standards this would be considered a BIG family. And now that we--my husband Chris and I--have those four beautiful, blonde headed children (three boys and a girl!), people seem to be shocked that we want more. I can't begin to tell you the number of times I have been asked, "Are you done now?"
"Have you figured out what causes that yet?"
"This is it....right?"
To be honest, I'm a bit shocked myself. Ten years ago, if you had told me we would be "that" family I would have thought you were crazy. My dream was a pretty, neat little package all tied up with a bow. But first of all, children are not neat. They are messy. They are impetuous. At times, they are embarrassing. Second of all, the Lord is calling us to big things. Unexpected things. Uncomfortable things. Not little. And tied up with a bow? Ha! If only it were so easy! But Proverbs 3:5-6 says,  

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

We don't quite understand why God has chosen this particular path for us.  Chris has a quick temper. I am very unorganized. We are not perfect parents (wearing your shocked face yet?!). Yet we have been given big hearts, LOTS of grace, and individually and as a couple we feel God calling us to literally keep His command to "look after orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27). We joke about needing to buy a school bus or an Econoline Van in order to hold all of our children. And someday, we just might. Here is the thing. We have committed to following the Lord. The thought of driving a big ugly van is not particularly exciting. It certainly isn't the "cool" or the "chic" thing to do, and we often have to face our pride and to "choose this day whom [we] will serve" (Joshua 24:15). Because sometimes, it is a daily choice. Here is a prime example.

This winter we will be hosting a fifteen year old orphan from Eastern Europe. "D" will be here for a month. I have followed New Horizons for Children (NHFC) on Facebook for about a year now, along with a couple of other agencies who specialize in the care of orphans and other child related needs. I am constantly inundated with their pictures and stories, yet D's picture and mini biography grabbed me. I halfheartedly emailed his profile to Chris, knowing that even with D's fees being over halfway covered via a scholarship, we could not afford to host him. And even if we could, there was no way we would have time to raise the rest of the money--there were only 36 hours left to commit--and less than two weeks to raise the money! But I could not get him off my mind. I began praying that God would provide for this child, whether through us or someone else. I prayed God would put him with the right family. That night sleep eluded me. I tossed and turned for hours, but suddenly it hit me. How could I just give up on D when I hadn't even TRIED to come up with the money. So at 4 am I posted a plea for help on Facebook. I just knew my expanse of family and friends would answer my call. I went to bed thrilled at what the new day would bring, what God would do. When I woke up later that morning, a couple of friends mentioned helping which brought hope. But that was it. Nobody else. I shared my post a few more times. I began to feel frustrated with the lack of response, and Chris was frustrated with me for posting it in the first place. I took the post down and reluctantly told NHFC we would not be able to commit this time. I began reminding myself of all of my Christmas plans and what we could do with all of the money we would save--bringing D here would use all of our "extra" Christmas money, not to mention I didn't know WHERE the rest of the money would come from! Along with his scholarship we would be responsible for paying for background checks, all of his food and toiletries, entertainment, Christmas presents, possibly an additional surcharge to the airline to get him to Houston, etc. We were already helping with the Angel Tree at church, providing or helping fill multiple Thanksgiving baskets and had committed to a high goal (for us) to the building campaign at church. I had big plans for decorating our big new house, special gifts for friends and family, etc.  I realized that this was just not the right time. I accepted that, and to be honest, I breathed a sigh of relief. But then I got a message from the coordinator I had been working with at NHFC. Was it JUST the money that was holding us back? $125 more had just come in. No, I don't think Chris and I are on the same page. I just don't think it's going to work this time, I told her. An hour later, "$200 just came in!" I asked Chris, "Do you TRULY want to do this, or is it JUST about the money?" He said, "No, I just don't see how we can afford it."  

By the time he came home from work that night, there was less than $1000 left of the nearly $3000 hosting fees left to pay. We had less than two hours until the deadline, and he had less than an hour to leave for Cub Scouts, forcing us to discuss it over dinner and in front of the kids. He said he felt like we needed to do it. I sat down at the computer to let the coordinator know and I looked up at Chris for confirmation one last time, knowing and even struggling with the fact I was going to have to sacrifice a lot if this was our decision. He said yes. I semi tried to talk him out of it once last time, even as my excitement grew. "Are you SURE?"
"Yes."
As I looked down at the screen to type our commitment, the coordinator had just sent me a message--"OMG, AUDREY! $500 more just came in!!!!" With tears in my eyes, I shared the news with Chris. His reply was, "Well THAT'S a yes!"

Friends, our Lord is in the business of miracles. I believe He WANTS to do them, but we have to be willing to accept them and to be used. If not--He'll just find someone else who is, or choose not to allow us to see them.

With that being said, here we are, Lord, send US.

Please pray for D as he makes the long journey here. Pray for peace in a new place, pray for language barriers to be overcome. Pray above all that D will see Jesus in us and come to know him as his personal Lord and Savior, that Jesus will NEVER leave nor forsake him. Pray for the hearts of those in our household that we would show love no matter how it is received or returned.